Children are victims of child abduction and parental alienation
More than 420,000 cases of missing children under the age of 18 were reported to law enforcement in 2019 alone. While most (400,000) missing children are runaways, around 10,000 of the total cases of missing children were classified as endangered, or being in physical danger; 5,000 abducted and 5,000 as having a physical or mental disability.
Real figures are likely higher though due to underreporting. Given that cases of missing children are often not reported to police, the Department of Justice conducts a study titled The National Incidence Studies of Missing, Abducted, Runaway, and Thrownaway Children (NISMART). NISMART uses surveys with adult households, juvenile facilities and law enforcement to get a more accurate picture of the incidence of missing children. The latest NISMART is currently underway with results expected to be released this year.
Many, many more children are victims of parental alienation every year. Some studies suggest that as many as 740,000 children and adolescents are victims of parental alienation. This figure does not, however, include children in intact families and so we expect the number to be even higher.
Joint custody must be the default in all states. Clearly lengthy, stressful custody proceedings are not in the best interest of the child. When parents go into court knowing that shared custody is not the norm, they are much more likely to fight the other parent for custody and child support. This creates much tension and conflict which negatively affects the children and can fuel parental alienation and in extreme situations lead to child abduction by a parent.
Divorce proceedings need to be resolved much faster than the current 18-month average and if that cannot be reduced significantly, both parents should have 50-50 custody until custody arrangements are finalized, unless there is evidence that such arrangements would put the child at harm.
Parental alienation should be criminalized as a form of child abuse.
Governments should not benefit financially from child support payments. All states should pass legislation to ensure that 100% of past-due child support payments collected by the state are passed onto children and not taken by the government.
While international parental child abduction is a federal crime, laws regarding domestic parental child abduction cases are different in each state. In many states, when there is no formal custody order and parents are living separately, parental abduction is not a crime. However, crossing state lines with the child is considered abduction in most states.
Similarly, custody laws vary by state. In general, they do little to encourage joint custody as it is not the default scenario in most states. Rather child custody cases start with the assumption that one parent should be granted sole or more than half custody, fueling high-conflict custody battles and potentially even parental alienation.
There is little incentive for states to change laws as the government benefits financially from support payments. In fact, when the government collects past-due child support payments for families enrolled in the Temporary Assistance for Needy Families program, the state is allowed to keep the funds to reimburse itself for providing such assistance to vulnerable families. That means that rather than passing the child support collected by the state to some of the most vulnerable children, the state keeps those funds. Most states keep the entire amount collected and less than half of the states pass a small portion – a whopping $50 on average – on to the child. Colorado and Minnesota are the only states that have disregarded this policy and enacted a full pass-through so that all funds collected are passed to the family.
All states must follow suit to ensure the well-being of children and to avoid any conflict of interest in child custody laws.
Parental alienation – or when a child becomes estranged from a parent due to the manipulation of the other parent – is not a crime under federal or state laws although some courts consider it to seriously affect the long-term development of a child. The closest courts come to addressing parental alienation is by suspending child support payments from the alienated parent or mandating reunification therapy. Both are again done ad hoc.
Contrary to popular belief, most abducted children are kidnapped by a family member and not by a stranger. Though outdated, the last reliable NISMART study found that the prevalence of family abductions in the US to be 2.6 cases per 1000 children in 1988 and 3.15 in 1999. That is 164,320 and 226,485 children respectively. The results of the 2020 NISMART survey should be released this year. Other researchers believe as many as 875,000 or 12 per 1,000 children are abducted by a family member each year. This same study found that 90% of family abductions were perpetrated by a parent. Abducted children are more likely to come from low-income families and separated estranged, or divorced parents.
This is just a drop in the bucket – less than half of the cases (43%) were actually reported to law enforcement. Some parents may not report parental child abduction because they do not know it is a crime; others because they have no faith in the legal system to resolve their cases. While parental child abduction is illegal under federal law, law enforcement often does not take these cases with the same seriousness as stranger abduction; many wrongly assume they are ‘private matters,’ a ‘misunderstanding’ or ‘an argument.’
Because abductions usually happen during scheduled visitations, law enforcement often advises the parent to wait a while to see if the situation resolves itself. This is, however, counterproductive since the initial few hours are often the most important for locating the abducted child.
Parental abduction is a form of imprisonment and children are the victims.
Abducted children suffer from the short- and long-term psychological effects of parental abduction, including traumatic stress, child maltreatment, and witnessing family violence. Children report feelings of unworthiness or resentment towards one or both parents. The left-behind parent can be blamed for not finding the child or accused of doing something that triggered the abduction. Children may also feel they have lost both parents and never regain trust in the abducting parent. Even those who are reunited with the left-behind parent may struggle to rebuild their relationship with the parent and even the extended family.
Under U.S. law, international parental child abduction is a crime. U.S. government authorities pursue the return of American children abducted across national borders, although solving such cases is often complex. The United States is a signatory of the Hague Convention on the Civil Aspects of International Child Abduction – an international treaty whereby countries commit to working together to resolve international child abduction cases.
American parents can request the return of their child(ren) if they were abducted to another country that has signed the convention. Likewise, non-American parents can request the return of their child(ren) if they were abducted to the United States. Parents can file for the return or access to their child(ren) by filing an application through the U.S. government. Country officers support the families and forward the application to their counterparts in the foreign country in an attempt to come to a voluntary or judicial agreement.
In 2019, officers handled some 716 abduction cases of children retained outside the United States. 220 children were returned to the States that year. Unfortunately, the Hague Convention – like most international treaties – is not legally binding. Because of this, we witness many countries, such as Japan, that fail to abide by it even if they signed it. In 2019, the United States identified several countries that regularly fail to comply with the treaty, including signatory countries. These countries include Argentina, Brazil, Costa Rica, Ecuador, Egypt, India, Jordan, Peru, Romania, and the United Arab Emirates. Children taken to these countries, regardless of their nationality, are at a higher risk of not being reunited with the left-behind parent or of having to deal with a lengthy procedure.
To combat non-compliance with the Hague Convention the U.S. government passed the Goldman Act named after Sean Goldman – an American child abducted to Brazil for five years. Under this act, if a country fails to resolve at least 30% of abduction cases pending more than 12 months under the Hague Convention, the US Secretary of State is required to take action against that foreign country. This can include withdrawing foreign aid and even security assistance. The Act, unfortunately, is not being used with countries such as Japan never having resolved any child Hague cases – ever!
Parental alienation is an even bigger issue than abduction – an issue that many ignore, that is often hidden behind closed doors and that has a devastating effect on children. Simply put parental alienation is when a child becomes estranged from one parent due to the psychological manipulation of another parent. This manipulation often results in the child fearing, disrespecting, or showing hostility towards the estranged parent and can also extend to other relatives. That parent is often eventually removed from the child’s life, sometimes slowly and sometimes abruptly.
Parental alienation results in significant stress on the child and alienated parent and increases the risk of the child suffering from mental illness. In fact, parental alienation can be diagnosed as a mental disorder in children and is a form of child abuse.
Children who are victims of parental alienation are at a higher risk of substance abuse and addiction, low self-esteem, trust issues, and relationship problems.
Hostile custody and divorce proceedings can fuel parental alienation – showing again how current custody laws fail to create an environment that supports the well-being of children.
The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children has identified a number of risk factors that may increase the chance that a family member may abduct a child. Keep an eye out for these. However, the absence of any of the following does not mean that an abduction will not occur. These risk factors include having a family member who:
If you have noticed any of these red flags, it may be time to do any of the following:
Seek assistance from a counseling or mediating source. Many parents fearful of, or experiencing, an international parental abduction request assistance from a missing children’s organization specializing in international abduction. Keep lists of information about your former partner and his or her friends and family, both in the U.S. and abroad. Keep a record of passport numbers, immigration status, and visa work permit numbers.
A parent who feels his or her relationship to the child is threatened may be likely to abduct. Further, in international cases, a foreign parent may want the child raised within a certain culture or religion. As in all cases where parental abduction is threatened, a custody mediator may help to refocus the attention of the parents on what is best for the child and assist in developing workable cross-cultural, child-rearing strategies.
Obtaining a valid custody order or decree is essential to preventing the abduction of your child. Seek the advice of a qualified attorney who can assist you in gaining sole custody of your child. Avoid joint custody orders in families with citizenship in more than one country. If the foreign parent abducts the child to his or her home country, an order called “joint custody” may be interpreted as authorizing the retention of the child in that country. If joint custody is nevertheless awarded, make sure a “primary residential custodian” is named and the order specifies where and with whom the child is to live at what times. Contact your local or state bar association for assistance in locating an attorney with experience in family custody law.
Specify in the custody order the exact times and locations for visitation. Set up a legally enforceable visitation schedule for the other parent. You may find it necessary to request the courts in the United States restrict any visitation rights the noncustodial parent has until sufficient guarantees have been given that the parent will not abduct the child. In the event temporary suspension of visitation by the noncustodial parent is not appropriate, request that the allowed visitation be supervised.
Parents can enroll in the Children’s Passport Issuance Alert Program (CPIAP). This program alerts the parent of a pending passport application or renewal for their child.
Remember that in cases when a child has two or more nationalities, parents may still be able to obtain a new foreign passport. This is why it is also recommended to get in contact with embassies and consulates of all country’s a child or parent has nationality of.
To enroll your child in CPIAP:
1. Download and complete the CPIAP request form, DS-3077 (one per child).
2. Send proof of your identity using one of the following documents:
– Your driver’s license
– Your passport, or
– Other form of photo identification with signature
3. Provide documentary evidence of your legal relationship to the child, such as:
– Child’s birth certificate,
– Current custody/guardianship/adoption court order(s) from a court of competent jurisdiction,
– Evidence of authority to act on behalf of parent or legal custodian, or
– Affidavit of Paternity
4. Send your completed request form and supporting documents using one of the options listed below. Your application can be processed more quickly when you email your documents.
U.S. Department of State
Overseas Citizen Services Office of Children’s Issues
SA-17, 9th Floor
2201 C Street NW
Washington, D.C. 20522
Parental alienation: While there are no concrete ways to prevent alienation, both parents can take certain steps to maintain an amicable relationship post-separation. This includes agreeing to child custody terms on their own and avoiding legal mediation which can quickly turn into high-conflict custody battles. Children’s support systems, including teachers, relatives, and doctors also have a responsibility to check-in on children, especially those known to be living in separated or divorced households.
Parents who believe that their children are being subjected to parental alienation tactics can strategically respond to the child and other parent’s behavior. This includes communicating effectively with their children to counter any bad talk by the other parent or not allowing the other parents to shorten or get in the way of visitation time. A detailed list can be found
Actions you can take just in case your child may be abducted
Notify Schools, Daycare, and Babysitters
A certified copy of the custody decree should be on file at your child’s school and given to teachers, daycare personnel, and babysitters. Inform them of the risk of abduction by the noncustodial parent. Instruct them not to allow your child to leave the grounds with anyone besides you. If possible, give them a photograph of the potential abductor. Also inform the school administrative offices not to release your child’s records to any unauthorized sources.
Take a Photograph of Your Child Every Month
Have a photograph taken similar to that in a passport or school picture.
Teach Your Child How to Use the Telephone
Your children should know their full name and how to use the telephone to call home. Make sure your children know their home telephone number and area code. Practice calling the operator and making collect calls. Teach your children they should always call home if they feel threatened, scared,
or are in an unusual situation.
Empower Your Children
Help your children help themselves. Be as honest as you can about the potential abduction. Custodial parents should inform their children to never go on a trip without them. Let your children know they should ask law enforcement for help if they are in an airport or traveling without your permission.
When instructing your children about how to use the telephone, make sure they know how to make long-distance and international calls. Teach them to dial “0” for an operator or “911” in an emergency.
You can read more in-depth tips here.
If you suspect your child is at risk of being abducted internationally:
Keep the description of your child readily available: this should include color of hair, color of eyes, height, weight, and date of birth. In addition, the description should contain any “identifying” information such as use of eyeglasses or contact lenses, braces on teeth, pierced ears, and other unique physical attributes. The complete description must be written down.
Arrange to have child fingerprinted: In order for fingerprints to be useful in identifying a person, they must be properly taken. Your local law enforcement agency has trained personnel to help ensure the fingerprints taken will be useful. The law-enforcement agency will give you the fingerprint card and not keep a record of your children’s fingerprints.
Flag physician’s records: instruct the doctor’s office not to release any records about your child to any unauthorized sources.
Keep a journal: record a chronology of events as they happen. This will help you remember the events exactly as they occurred.
Immediately involve local law enforcement: if the potential abductor has threatened you, your child, or your family in any way, do not hesitate to notify your local law enforcement agency. Inform them of your concerns and the name and description of the noncustodial parent. You may also use the threat of abduction as the basis for a protection order.
If your child is already missing, request that the missing child’s information is entered into the National Crime Information Center as soon as possible so the search can be widened. Obtain information from all law enforcement officials you work with, including full name, email, direct phone number, 24-hour dispatch line, and back up officer.
Contact your attorney.
Consider obtaining a court order that prohibits the child from traveling out of the court’s jurisdiction, the state, or the country.
Contact airlines and airport police stationed at departing airports to inform them of a court order. When contacting airlines, request to speak with an airline corporate security officer and be ready to prove your relationship to the child. Check if there is a reservation under your child’s name.
Contact your embassy or consulate if the child is or may be a dual citizen. You can provide them with a copy of a court order granting you sole or joint custody or restricting the child from being removed from the United States. While the embassy is not legally obligated to honor your request, they may be persuaded by it. If you suspect your child has been taken out of the state, you can notify the nearest FBI field office.
If you have any challenges getting local law enforcement to mobilize, reach out to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children’s 24-hour hotline. NCMEC is a non-profit organization that provides support to parents whose children are missing, including domestic and international family abductions.
The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children’s 24-hour hotline: 1-800-843-5678
If your child is present in one of the countries the United States has partnered with under the Hague Convention, you can file an application requesting the child be returned to the United States or request access to the child. To do so, reach out to the Office of Children’s Issues that serves as the focal point for both parties as well as foreign central authorities and U.S. embassies abroad. The duty officer provides 24-hour assistance by phone or email.
The Office of Children’s Issues: 1-888-407-4747 or PreventAbduction1@state.gov
Thanks to Deanielle Dawra for the production of this country page.
The materials available on this web site are for informational purposes only and not for the purpose of providing legal advice. You should contact your attorney to obtain advice with respect to any particular issue or problem.